That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
