We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
