it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize