she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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