Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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