I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
