He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
