I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
