I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
