Girls should come with a carfax report
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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