what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A bitchslap is in order.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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