so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
