I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize