I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
