Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
