I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had to cum in my sink.
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