Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
