pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
