So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
