I cockslap morals
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
