So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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