chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
third nipple confirmed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
