I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
