Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
