He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
