I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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