so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
