listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
