I skipped work to stalk him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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