i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
