dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
