Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize