Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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