Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
