But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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