So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
