you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
