when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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