i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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