I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
