does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
