He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize