she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
