Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
