separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
