Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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