How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
