Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
