cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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