She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
