closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
