Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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