I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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