My room smells like vodka and shame
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
