its not stalking. its research.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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