I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
