Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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