yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
