How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
