when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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