Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
