so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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