Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
