Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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