I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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