I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
