after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
