Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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