You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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