I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Watching her eat just hurts me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
