I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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