i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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