Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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