he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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