it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
