I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
