My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
