speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
50% drunk capacity currently
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize