i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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