So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
